On the 4th, I remember walking into my former bedroom, pissed. Clark was laying down on the bed. I decided to sit down next to him.
I start bitching about how shitty to me my dad was to me right now. Not 5 minutes prior I gave my dad a request, and he just responded in a dismissive way, which is something I can’t stand in general. I refuse to be talked down to. After I told Clark this, he said "He's your dad, he can talk to you however he wants."
Hearing those words made me turned me into a wild beast. Whenever I become mad, I tend to lose all control of my body and then it feels like life becomes a movie that I can only observe through the limited perspective my eyes can provide. In this state I can only witness whoever is inhabiting my body try to fight people, break shit, and generally attempt to burn every bridge in sight.
I gripped Clark’s baseball cap and threw it at the wall and began to run off from the room. I hear him say “I’m gonna beat the shit out of your if you ever do that again.”, which also got me scared as well as mad. I ran over to the kitchen, histrionically screaming to my dad who inadvertently started this in the first place to protect me from him. Dad didn’t do anything.
I heard Clark insult me a couple of times in the other room. I then had the idea to start throwing shit in the kitchen. We don’t have a toaster anymore. Clark walked into the kitchen as he said “Do you want the cops to come!? The neighbors will hear you!”
”Don’t look at me!” I screamed.
I then turned away into a corner in the kitchen. Clark started picking stuff up. My hands were shaking. I notice a large knife in the place where we keep the utensils. I hold it in my hands and manage to make sure he didn’t notice it. I begin contemplating whether or not I should cut myself in order to calm down.
After Clark left, I decided to put the knife in the pocket of my sweatpants and run out of the house despite only wearing socks without shoes at the moment. When I went outside I began sitting on a bench and I took the knife from my pocket and starting lightly dinging it on the edge of the bench. Despite the fact there were people driving by and people walking on the sidewalk no one seemed to notice.
Then I realized I needed to take a piss but McDonald’s was too far so I didn’t to walk back home. When I entered the apartment dad was taking a shower and Clark was in his (which was formerly mine) bedroom. So with dad in the bathroom at the moment I decided to piss in the kitchen sink and then I put my shoes that were in the living room on and grabbed my phone and then I walked out. I then decided to walk back inside not 5 minutes later in order to find a pen and paper and leave a message for my dad on a chair in the living room: CUNT.
After going for a run for half an hour I returned home for a final time and both dad and Clark were talking about stuff in the living room. I passed by as if I wasn’t even there and head towards my bedroom which is also my dad’s bedroom. I spent a little time on my phone before going to sleep.
When I woke up Clark was gone. He often leaves to go to the methadone clinic at like, 10AM or something. I felt scared shitless at the possibility of what could happen when he returns home. I decided to talk the The Boy Named Crow in order to get some advice.
Me: Ever since last night
Me: I haven’t been able to get on the internet.
Me: Like, I’m looking at the computer screen and browser
Me: But I still see myself stuck in reality
Me: I'm afraid of my roommate
Me: I kinda wanna make up for what happened last night
Me: But
Me: He probably still has the opinion that started the fight in the first place
Me: If I try to apologize
Me: Then he'll say that again at some point
Me: What do I do?
Me: He could come home from the clinic at any moment now
Crow: What opinion are you talking about
I then began explaining to Crow about what happened last night.
Crow: When the heck was this
Me: literally last night
Crow: I don't know
Crow: That sounded like you escalated the whole thing
Me: I did
Me: And I’m willing to make up for that
Me: But if I try
Me: Then he’ll probably hold his ground
Me: And say the same shit that started the fight
Crow: Well I guess you’ll have to give it a bit of time
Me: Fuck
Me: What do I do when he comes back
Me: I know I’ll just hide in another room
Me: But the doors are locked
Me: If I just unlock then
Me: He could pop in anytime and see me before I have the chance to run
Crow: Who
Me: My roommate
Crow: I doubt he's going to confront you
Crow: "yo [REDACTED] I'm gonna take your hat and throw it at the wall see how you like it"
Me: That isn't funny
Crow: Well after things calm down you can give an apology
Crow: Then just wait for them to accept it
I decided to have the screen door unlocked, and the main door behind it locked for when he would come back from the clinic. When he finally came home and the main door was being knocked I decided to go up to that door and unlock it without opening it so by the time it would take for him to open the door and enter the house, I would have already ran to my room which I had locked where I had the final 4 volumes of Stardust Crusaders I had neglected to read, (I had put it on hold for a year because I was sick of the shitty pacing and the boring fights. The Anubis and Dark Polnareff arc was a big snore fest in particular) Lunar Park by Bret Easton Ellis, and my Nintendo Switch. I only had these possessions on me because everything else that I use to entertain myself with was in his room.
I spent an hour reading 2 JoJo arcs (the fights against Mariah and Alessi) and for a second time I had to pee and there was no more cups in that room that I could piss in. I had decided to try to slip in the bathroom, which was difficult since Clark’s door was right open so he could see me anytime. When I walked out I heard him say “Man, Persona 3 has some great music..”. I decided to walk in the living room and get on my PC. Then Clark walked into the living room. I was initially resistant to the idea of trying to communicate with him but then he told me that everything’s cool and he’s not upset at me anymore so everything was fine now. After that I told him that Persona 3 Portable sucks and he should just emulate the PS2 version instead.