Today sucked. Today sucked so badly that I don't even want to talk about to be really honest here. It was just very boring and tedious. Anthony was being a cunt and shittalking me a lot and not getting the hint that I want him to fuck off and I just spent a lot of time doing literally nothing for hours and hours. It would be really boring to recount it all literally. You will be even more bored than how I was when I experienced all of it. It was so bad I'm not even sure if I wanna go back to school tomorrow. I just can't believe that my sophomore year of high school is gonna have such a downer ending.
For a while now I've been wanting to do drugs and shit. I've felt for a long time that the real world is boring and irredeemable and I just wanna escape. I just wanna leave and live a whole new life somewhere else that I can be happy in. It's gonna be a while before I can even do that so I'm thinking about doing some weed or shrooms or something to just make the pain of living even just a bit more tolerable.
I also just wish I could cut again, that would make everything better for me as well. When I cut myself, all of sudden all of my negative feelings which were swarming my mind like a dark cloud covering up the sky just disappears and then I can see the sun and the bright blue sky... How is that bad? I'm not trying to kill myself. I don't go for the wrists. That's fuckin lame. Like being a vegan.
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