Ok so I beat Dragon Quest I and started playing the second game. It’s fucking bullshit that people say II is the worst game in the series because it’s such an improvement over the original and it feels so mind expanding to play after finishing the original.
I’m still undecided on VI or IX being my favorite game in the series. V just seems “alright” but I’m still on the prologue so that might change.
I don’t want school to reopen, I’m too in love with staying at home. I fucking hate Trump for trying to open up the schools again. Fuck him. The Amazon shopping has been somewhat less frequent do to wanting to save cash but buying stuff is still my passion. I keep forgetting I’m a writer. Writing has been becoming drowned out by all this sloth. I need to write more entries in this journal. But since nothing’s happening I have no material whatsoever.
I feel so guilty for the fact that despite the fact my 17th birthday is next month I still haven’t gotten a job or a driver’s license. My piece of shit dad doesn’t want me to git gud cause he thinks I’m too irresponsible. He claims he wants me to start with the “little stuff”. What is the “little stuff” you ask? Tying my shoes, that’s what. I’ve always had problems with shoe tying and I never learned how to. But that’s fucking irrelevant at this point since all I wear anymore is slip-ons.
God growing up sounds so difficult because I don’t understand what any of this adulting stuff is or how to do it. How do you pay bills? How do you buy or rent an apartment? How do you cash a check? How do you pay for car insurance? I don’t know. I don’t know how to do anything. I want to find a part time job but all of them are shitty. So this means if I want to “grow up” I’ll have to work in retail and deal with all of that bullshit.
Sometimes I daydream about actually developing as a character and growing up. I see myself just standing somewhere until I suddenly spontaneously combust into flames, (Symbolically representing me getting a shit retail job) screaming so violently in pain as I feel my body being torn apart and my skin being burnt into the darkest black. Then I find myself sent to a place where I see a grimdark, hellish landscape where only despair, death, and even more despair exists (My job). Not too far from where I’m at, there’s people yelling and fighting with eachother in what looks like a war that’s going on (The shitty entitled customers with no chill that make working at retail even worse). And then I grab a giant mace next to me on a pile of discarded weapons(Which represents what little will I have to live from this point on) as I faintly hear a soft voice whisper “What can change the nature of a man?”. And then I walk towards the people yelling and fighting with eachother within the distance, accepting my dreadful fate.